Chelsea 2-1 Portsmouth

Before the Saturday afternoon visit from Portsmouth, the Premiership record between us was played 6, won 6, scored 14, conceded 0. Not bad. It now reads played 7, scored 16, conceded 1. Although, it could easily be scored 30!

We had 15 shots on target in the game, and only a truly inspired performance from David James (again, always against us!) ensured they weren't destroyed.

We battered them from start to finish, and the two goals came within 2 minutes of each other early in the second half. In fact, we scored again just 2 minutes after that, but Drogba was judged to be offside.

After an excellent first half, producing some amazing saves from Calamity, Shevchenko finally scored at home. His delight saw him rush to the fans in the Matthew Harding Stand and celebrate. The traffic warden wannabe in the middle, Mark Clattenburg (fuckwit name for a fuckwit referee) dished out the yellow card for this.

Ballack scored the second a minute later, and in an obvious piss-take, also stuck just his head and shoulders into the fans in the stand to celebrate. Same punishment by the cock in charge. This is the same guy who sent off Robben for celebrating at Sunderland last year, and said it was because he jumped OVER the advertising hoardings into the crowd. Well, neither did that this time. Neither left the field of play. And as Jose pointed out after the game, Mark Clattenburg also officiated the game this season when Rapist Van Persie jumped over the hoardings into the crowd to celebrate a goal. Result? No card.

Ultimately, referee's just make themselves look incompetent. Laws like this one are really pathetic though. Also, the removal of the shirt booking is ridiculous. Not being able show emotion when scoring is bizarre. This is the game, OUR game, and it is the best in the world BECAUSE of the passion from the players and fans. Why do the FA try to remove that? This isn't a trip to the ballet, or the opera. These players are heroes to the fans, who pay through the nose for the tickets, and yet they are denied the opportunity of interaction between players and fans.

Finally, Sunday was a decade since the tragic death of Matthew Harding. It doesn't seem anything like that long. The Matthew Harding Stand still remembers, and fondly sings his name, which is more than will ever be said for Ken Bates!

Flair of the Drog

Playing Barcelona seems like a standard season fixture now. This is the third year straight that we've drawn them. It is also the third year running where we have had the reigning European Champions in our group. Porto, Thieving Scousers, and Barcelona this season.

Last night had Eidur back at the Bridge for the first time since he left. We miss him; he was, and is, deeply Chelsea. It took Frank Rijkaard an hour to notice last night who he was really performing for...or rather not performing for! Top boy Boris!

Prior to last night, Barcelona's previous two Champions League defeats were both dished out by us. We can now make that their last three. A superb strike from Drogba, not dissimilar to his Liverpool winner, seconds into the second half, was enough to take all the points, and give us three wins out of three so far this campaign.

Last season, Barca had a fluorescent yellow kit. This season, they have borrowed bright orange motorway maintenance uniforms. Unbelievable.

Drogba was a monster last night. 10 times the player he was last season. This is the guy who has turned his game upside down, and now has the confidence, and it seems - the ability to score at all levels. His defensive work, and his build up play were incredible too, and he fully deserves to be man-of-the-match.

It looked like Barcelona were not at their best. Maybe so, but that was down to the stunning performance put in by us, and the complete ineptitude of Rijkaard. He is no more than the bloke to steers my train to work every day...The Barcelona setup relies on Messi and the Goofy Fucker creating everything, and last night, they were nowhere.

Messi started well, and had the better of Ashley Cole, but once he had taken a bit of abuse from the MHL (We can remember back to February, even if he can't...wanker), when he came to take a corner, he decided he didn't want to come into our half anymore! Poof!

After the goal, Barca went to three at the back and they even doubled Ronaldinhio and Messi onto the left against Boulahrouz. No fear, he was well up to the task, and kept them both out of the game completely. It is not often that the Goofy Fucker is anonymous, but he was last night. If Drogba hadn't had such an inspired game, Boula would certainly have been MOTM.

Hilario looked nervous when he came out, not surprising given the circumstances, but he played well and made his saves. The crowd did well to get behind him, and he picked up as the game went on. Shevchenko was again excellent, along with Essien. His goals will come. He was so unlucky with rebounds. We should definitely have scored 3 more. The chance we did take was the most difficult of the 4!

A quick note about the referee - Frank De Bleekere from Belgium. An excellent performance. He let the game run, didn't entertain the cheating, and generally kept it no-nonsense. A very refreshing change to the pathetic pantomime that usually surrounds this fixture.

This leaves us top with 9 points, Barca and Bremen sharing second place with 4 points. Next stop Barcelona!

What a hunt

We went to Reading on Saturday for the evening kick-off against Reading.

16 Seconds into the game, Big Petr Cech slid in and took the ball cleanly, and the Plastic Paddy Hunt, decided to knee-drop him on the head at full tilt. That's probably the end of Petr's season, and could possibly have further serious consequences. After a weekend of surgery for a fractured skull, everyone just hopes he gets better soon.

The situation wasn't helped by the worse than useless referee Mike Riley, made Cech crawl off the pitch for treatment. Why? He is a 'keeper, therefore play can't restart without him, so what is the point? That aside, making someone move with any head injury, let alone one as serious as this could be disastrous; But that is Mike Riley all over, a fucking disaster.

Carlo came on to replace him, and in the 90th minute of a mammoth 107 minute game, he was battered to the deck by another journeyman oaf, and knocked unconscious. He too ended up in the hospital, and John Terry played the rest of the game in goal.

One can only image the shock on Big Pete's face, when he woke up and realised Carlo was lying in the next bed to him...

So we face Barcelona this week without a goalkeeper. Hilario is the third choice, and is yet to play for us, fingers crossed the crowd get behind him this week.

As for the Plastic Paddy, you can pretend all you like that it was an accident, but every other player easily managed to jump over the 'keeper in those situation. So when it comes around, and you end up with your tibia wedged up your arsehole, just remember, the bloke who did it to you intended no malice......Dirty Hunt.

Paul Robinson's Freak

England crashed to a 2-0 defeat last night in Zagreb, to a team run by Slaven Bilic!

Steve McClaren's honeymoon (and some say, career) is definitely over. The manner of the defeat was most disappointing, starting with a 3-5-2 formation. 3 at the back, against the most difficult team in the group, away from home. Lunacy.

Anyway, when quizzed about the formations in his interview after the game, tactical mastermind Slaven Bilic said "formations are dead, it is just about the players in the team running about". Hmmmmmmmm. Superb insight.

Finally, Paul Robinson, after having a superb first hour, will become the fall-guy for this one. The second goal was a comical bobble over his foot in what should have been a very simple clearance from a backpass. It missed his foot, in what looked like a fresh-air shot, and rolled straight in.

When interviewed, he said it was "a total freak, these things happen, it was just a freak". His mind must have been playing tricks on him. It was definitely Gary Neville that played the backpass, not Peter Crouch...