Wimbledon Watch: Andy Murray

Is still a wanker.

World Cup Watch: England v Ecuador

We're in the last eight. I don't know how they do it sometimes, certainly against the odds. Other teams making their way in seem to do it with relative ease, but we make it so difficult for ourselves.

It was an afternoon kick-off though, and incredibly hot and humid in Stuttgart.

I'm hoping if another version of Three Lions is ever produced, that in addition to "Psycho Screaming" and "Nobby Dancing" we can get "Beckham puking". He deserves it. The scorer of the only goal, direct from a free kick, low down into the corner, just onto the keepers' finger tip.

The heat must have got to him, either that or he chose the hotel seafood lasagne the previous night. Poor old Becks spent most of the second half vomming over the pitch, as against the Argies in the last World Cup. As will be happening long term in the future, he handed the captain's armband to John Terry.

Ashley Cole was the other hero of the afternoon. While still 0-0, he managed to race back and get a superb toe onto the shot from Ecuador which was enough to send the ball smacking back off the cross bar. The cross bar has saved us a few times now this campaign.

Wayne Rooney completed 90 minutes, and looked good, but isolated. Hopefully, Sven will have noted that he cannot play the lone striker role. He must play, and he must play next to somebody. And Aaron Lennon must play, after another great cameo.

The evening match saw Portugal v Holland, the winner being our opponent in the quarter final. Ivanov, the Russian referee, decided to make history by equalling the record number of WC yellow cards in a game - 16. And 4 reds! Ridiculous, but also great for us, as Costinha and the tricky Deco will now miss our game.

Maniche scored again for them, but we should be able to keep him comfortably quiet.

So now it comes down to Sven v Big Phil. Again. Big Phil was the desired successor to Sven, but we managed to balls that one up ourselves. He is also the man who has knocked us out of the last two major tournaments, Euro 2004 and World Cup 2002. Perhaps it will be third time lucky, or perhaps he's just much better than Sven...

Strike it Unlucky

News in this afternoon confirms Owen is crocked, and is already on his way home.

Now, I don't like to say "I told you so, Sven", but I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO....How has your little plan worked out now you gormless cretin?

Let's examine the striking options at the beginning of the Cup:

Owen: Shadow of the former player. Injured.
Rooney: Broken foot.
Crouch: Shit.
Walcott: Are you having a fucking laugh? This is the World Cup, not the FA Schools Cup.

The point was raised more than once that there was no cover if anyone got an injury out there, not to mention what would happen if the broken ones didn't mend before the start. And of course, it has happened. Like we all knew it would.

So now what Sven? Well, he says he isn't at all worried by the loss of Owen because "we have many players who can play that role". Yes, we have. David James "could" play that role Sven, but what fucking good would that be?

Jermaine Defoe and Darren Bent are both sitting on their butts at home. Theo Walcott has already missed 3 weeks of school. Crouch is an embarrassment. The only one not worried is Sven...but why would he be?

World Cup Watch: England v Sweden

1968 was the last time we beat Sweden competitively, and with a Swede in charge, that didn't change last night.

It didn't start well. Sven rested Gerrard and Crouch to try to stop them picking up a ban for the next game, and gave Owen Hargreaves a start; his first since the Swedish defeat 2 years ago. Rooney also started, which had the team looking much more balanced than the previous two starting line-ups.

Only a minute had gone before Owen's injury nightmare continued. His knee twisted and buckled underneath him, and he went down in what can only be described as agony. It looked to me like his medial lateral went, which is one I have done myself, and the pain is like nothing else. They tried to make out he might be ok after a scan, but I'd be surprised if he plays again before Christmas.

Crouch came straight on and after 5 minutes we settled down a bit.

Man of the match was decided in the first half. Joe Cole was stunning again. He did all the running, and was the creator of everything on the pitch. An inspired performance capped by a wonder striker, half volley off his chest, into the top corner. Well deserved.

We did look very good in the first half, but as always, you knew that when Sven got involved at half time, that would change. And it did. We'd barely settled into the second half when Marcus Allback, ex-Villa failure stuck a bullet header in from a corner. Bad marking from the Captain to blame, but 1-1 wasn't the end of the world. It almost was 3 minutes later though, when they got another corner and almost scored a carbon copy. This time Robinson knocked it onto the crossbar, and JT booted it clear.

The Swedes hit the crossbar again mid-half, so we were lucky to get away with it.

We should be concerned that Rio Ferdinand went off injured, but hopefully they caught it early enough for it not to be a problem with 5 days rest. More of a problem was the lumbering mentalist Sol Campbell replacing him. The ship was far from steady in the final 20 minutes.

The only good point about having two injury forced substitutions, is that it prevented Sven from making ridiculous changes. He did his best though. Rooney came off with 20 minutes to go, replaced by Gerrard. Again, Rooney made 70 minutes, but he was quiet. Again, exactly what we wanted in that game. The next game will be different. Performance required.

Joey Cole again lobbed a superb ball onto Gerrard's head, who hammered it into the net. It looked like we were going to finally beat them 2-1, but with 3 minutes to go, a comic defensive display saw the ball bounce into the corner for 2-2.

We still topped the group, avoiding the Germans. Ecuador await us on Sunday in Stuttgart. Assuming we can get past them, it's likely we'll face Portugal or Holland.

World Cup Watch: England v Trinidad & Tobago

2-0. A win and qualification to the next round with a game to spare. Everyone happy right? Wrong!

An awful performance which saw two goals in the final 10 minutes send us through, but until that point, we were really bad. To give them credit, Trinidad were very good, but they are still Trinidad, and if that had been a proper opposition team, we'd have been destroyed.

Peter Crouch did score the first goal, and we needed it badly. Good for him, but I still think Peter Sellers would be better leading the attack than Peter Crouch. I think he thinks he's Superman. His "strength" is his significant (freak) height, and this means he should nod balls down to his striker partner to tuck away.
He fails to see it this way. In his head (way up there) he thinks its ok to flick up a ball, and try to overhead kick it into the net. Now come on Crouchy, think about it....had he had the skill to connect with it in the first place, he'd have been lucky to keep it in the stand, let alone the net.

Then there was the point at which he's standing completely unmarked, on the penalty spot, without a defender within 6 yards, the ball played into him...as it approaches, you can see him take a look around, you can even see it register in his face (if you use binoculars) that he is clear and unmarked. Then, you see him think about scoring a wonder goal, side-on half volley. Then you're smacked in the face with reality - a ball screeching past the corner flag, and calls of "TIMBER" as the lanky giant ends up on his arse in the box. Twat.

Still, credit to you Crouchy for scoring the winner!

Becks was unusually woeful too, over-hitting passes and crosses, and although Frank created himself a good few chances, he couldn't finish them off, which was very disappointing.

Man of the match was easily John Terry. At the centre of everything, including a stunning chest high clearance off the line. They always look spectacular as the defender runs back towards the goal. The rest of the world is now seeing what we see at Chelsea every week. Gareth Southgate said in the commentary "There aren't many in the world you'd swap John Terry for today". Actually Gareth, there aren't any!

Aaron Lennon made his World Cup debut and did very well. Didn't look worried, and should start the next game.

The headlines were written before the kick off though, when Rooney was declared fit to play. He came on earlier than anticipated, with 35 minutes to go. He had a few good touches, but nothing spectacular, which is exactly what we wanted in fact. Get some time on the pitch, make sure everything checks out ok after, and get him ready for the next game.

Sweden just beat Paraguay in the evening kick off, meaning we need a result against them to win the group. We haven't won our group at a major tournament since Euro 96. Of course, it remains to be seen whether or not we want to win the group. The German group will have been decided before the kick off so we'll know what result we need to avoid them!

Now we can rest players, and relax a bit before the knockout stages. Perfect time Sven, to work on some sort of a game plan...please? If we continue like this, we don't stand a chance...

World Cup Watch: England v Paraguay

Huge expectation always surrounds England in major tournaments. Superb German organisation, and the best England team in years, perhaps ever, means the pressure is on moreso, in what has become the most eagerly anticipated World Cup Finals in decades.

It's just a shame we've got Sven in charge!

The Paraguay game started well. And ended as always, with bizarre substitutions and England hanging on desperately.

Becks put in a great free-kick from 35 yards on 3 minutes, and it took a slight deflection off the defender, and went in. Great start; everyone expecting a rout.

We played well, considering the excessive heat in the first half, but once Sven got involved at half time, the whole thing turned to rat-shit. Again.

To begin with, he removed Owen. Now, we know he isn't a patch on the player he used to be, but until Rooney is back, he's all we've got. So this left Crouch on his own up front. Mistake number two. Mistake number one being picking him in the first place.
That's a bit harsh really, as he did alright in the first half. Nothing spectacular, just playing his knock-downs as he should. Which makes leaving him upfront on his own all the more baffling; Who the fuck is he going to knock the ball down to when he's on his own Sven?

Joey Cole did well, man of the match in fact. He can easily play that role off the striker, probably better than anyone else, but it needs to be a striker, and Crouch isn't that.

Later we saw the introduction of Owen Fucking Hargreaves. I don't need to say anymore, except we were lucky to finish with the 3 points.

All said and done though, we have got the points, and the unexpected draw in the Sweden Trinidad game, puts us in pole position. Now we just have to make sure we beat Trinidad, but we also need a performance. That is what this country, and our massive travelling support needs more than ever...Not to mention the other teams out there who are checking us out.