Ropey Pompey

2-0 final score. An uninspiring match, for both players and fans it seems.

Being the murderous scumbags that we are, a Saturday afternoon match was exactly what we needed, to take a break from "issuing death threats" (on an internet chat site I might add!). This wouldn't be the way to scare a referee, in my opinion.

Surely, the way to do that would be to phone him, or email him. Perhaps, our accusers, The Sun, would be happy enough to give us his details. The Scum has always been a piece of shit rag, and having lost almost a million readers in the last decade, the gravity of the situation is confirmed by The Mirror circulation catching you up! Life must be bad.
The Sun, the last bastion of righteousness surely? No. Remember Urs Meier, the Swiss referee? It was the Sun wot done it, when he received countless attacks after they decided to print his email address and phone number, encouraging England fans to hunt him down. Classy.

Perhaps it's time to issue a Jihad against The Sun. Surely, being a Holy war, you can't say anything about it can you?

Anyway, back to the game. Eidur was superb again, and came on and set up the two goals. Drogba was his usual self. Crap. It's not so bad just being crap, but to come out and blame the fact that you're only 20% fit - after buggering off to the African Nations Cup for 2 months, and playing every minute - stinks. That's why we think you're shit Didier - that and the fact you can't trap a ball, can't pass, can't shoot.

Pain in the Barce

Uefa directive. Mission accomplished. Congratulations!

I did think they would at least wait until the second-leg to send one of ours off - or even the second half! Nope. Del Horno (idiot anyway) ended the campaign before we had a chance to begin.

Of course, it was scripted. The Barcelona players were waiting for someone to go down under a tackle, and then all sprinted over acting as if both Messi's legs had been broken off and the cripple had been beaten around the head with them. Even their 'keeper was over the halfway line.

We still managed to batter them, scoring first with our 10 men, and their first goal came about from a free-kick awarded on a "foul" that wouldn't even get a second glance in the Premiership.

We'll still have a good laugh in Barcelona, and we'll still win the Premiership - back to backing titles, which is more than the Gooners have ever done. And Uefa, we'll still be Chelsea, and you can't ever touch that!

Battered by the Boro

Ouch! 3-0!
So that's what it feels like. I remember now yep....This was a very familiar feeling not too long ago, and it felt almost nostalgic on a freezing cold Saturday evening, on the wastelands oop narf having been battered.

We were well beaten too. Great organisation by them, combined with a complete lack of any ability from us.

We came to the conclusion, after a weekend on Teesside, that the Boro fans should be(and were) pretty pissed off at this result. It's no good beating us, when you're destroyed 4-0 just days earlier by Villa!
They have beaten us, Man Utd, Arse and Liverpool at home this season, and lost to just about everyone else. This points to a motivation issue. There is no denying that they have quality players, but it seems Steve McClaren just can't motivate them. Against the bigger clubs, the game creates its own motivation, but against the lesser clubs, they just can't be bothered.

So, keep hold of Steve Mc, and get a motivator in too!

Richard Wrong

Twat of the night award has got to go to Richard Wright.
He put himself out of the game in the pre-match warm-up because he fell over a sign in the goal mouth and busted his ankle. Unfortunate perhaps, except when you read what was on the sign.

"Goal Mouth not in use. Do not use this goal for training"

You fucking idiot.

Turner, the third choice 'keeper made his debut for the club, and did very well as it happens.

4-1 final score in a very easy match to put us into the next round against Colchester.

Wimbledon Estate Agents: Don't choose Ellisons

Why wouldn't you choose Ellisons (http://www.ellisons.uk.com) to try to sell your house? Well, because they're shit basically! Unless you want a useless bunch of amateurs to spin bullshit to you that is.

If you do choose them, expect the following superb benefits:

Instant viewing arrangement (within 2 minutes of signing up with them). Don't hold your breath, this is just one of their mates which they use as a stooge. No kidding.

Do your own viewings. Why have an estate agent getting in the way? These chaps will just send the punter around for you to conduct your own viewings. Question? What the fuck am I paying you for then?!

"We sold 10 just like yours last month". Hmmm yeah. Of course you did!

"We're expecting lots of new viewings next week."

"Spring/Summer/Autumn/Winter (Delete as aplicable) is the quietest time of the year, don't you know"

Not only that, you get to visit their poxy office, miles away from all the other agents' plush offices, to argue over the 6 week minimum contract period (which you'll discover is actually 8 weeks), before you can leave them. And you will leave them. You'll then go and pick another agent who will actually do what you pay them for. I recommend Ludlow Thompson!

Anyone who prints "Estate Agent of the Year" everywhere in huge letters, and then in small print after adds "Innovation" must surely be side-stepped. If having won a single award in an innovation category in an award ceremony where each of the two entrants wins something for turning up, 4 years ago is the best they can shout about, then you'd be better off using "Honest Johns Property Services"...

In short - don't touch these Ellisons cowboys with anyone else's barge pole!

Scousers battered...Again!

Scousers all over Pity City are waking up this morning having discovered the truth about their team after conveniently forgetting the previous battering we gave them at their place. Robbin' is usually their favourite instinctive activity, but they didn't seem to be fans of the boy last night.

Lots of bullshit was spouted, as usual, from the fat dago cock in charge of that shower of shite. Blathering on about "hothpitals" and "faithes" being clutched. The fact is, that your fellow dago 'keeper was sent off because he was a twat. He hacked down Eidur when he had no need to do so at all, and then grabbed Robben around the throat/face. Whether Robben had gone down like a sack of shit or not, is completely beside the point. An arm raised is a red card. And lets not forget, you cannot preach about diving when you happen to manage Harry Kewell...

So according to The Fat Dago, it's all Robben's fault for diving. Yeah. Dude, you should have been congratulating him, because the keeper in question has shipped 6 (SIX!) league goals to us this season. To your one. (ONE! ha!)

Not to mention the fact we've had the ball in the net a further 4 times...and Crespo's second yesterday was well onside, again.

The reality of it is that you couldn't compete. The truth is, you've never been able to compete. We're on a different level to you, and in fact, so are Arsenal and Man Utd. All this garbage before every game from your high-pitched crew about Chelsea being afraid, and you "having the better of us" (I truly love that...) is hilarious, and only you lot see it, probably through a crack-induced Pity City haze.

Us...we do out talking on the pitch, and yet again, we fucked you over. And it was EASY...Did you have a shot? Maybe its because you stole a lanky streak of piss from the Circus and put him up front instead. Still not to worry, you've got the fat coke-head back now. That should do it!

Final word to the "amazing Liverpool support". Empty away end on 80 minutes - fucking classy that is! Stick to robbin' - football is out of your league!

Fat Dago speaks

"Raffa", "Carra", "Chavvy" and the high-pitched crew have been bleating on again this week about how we're afraid of them. Yeah, well done girls. We're terrified. Terrified of being bored to sleep in the freezing conditions perhaps, but what is there to be afraid of? We humiliated you at Anfield in a 4-1 demolition this season, and you haven't beaten us in the Prem for over two years. And, EVEN if you did beat us, you'd still be closer to the bottom of the table than the top, so scared? Nah, not likely. Bring it on hubcappers, and please, please play the fat useless coke-head up front, we haven't had a really good laugh for ages...

Gooners back "Our Sol"

Sol Campbell storms out of the ground at half time, Wenger says he has mental problems. He's never had a girlfriend, and his mates say he has personal issues to overcome which are unusual. We all know he's a bum-bandit, so Sol, just let it out! Your team mates have come out today and said they are all "right behind you", which, under the circumstances, should please you immensely.

And don't worry about your World Cup being over because of this, it was over months ago!