Chelsea 4-2 Blackburn

Played 11, 31 points. Goals scored 28, goals conceded 6.

Another 2 goals conceded this weekend, both from rare defensive cock-ups. The result never really in doubt.

After Blackburn at Ewood last season, its becoming a bit of a grudge match. Dirty, northern, talentless squad, full of wankers! Savage, Dickov, Neill, Bellamy...And ex-Chelsea muscle-man Mark Hughes in charge, albeit watching the second half from the stands this weekend after being sent from the dugout by the equally wankish Mike Riley.

Drogba, improving every week and looking more like a proper striker, opened the scoring in the 10th minute after Frank Lampard sent in a superb ball from a rebounded corner. Frank then converted a penalty 4 minutes later after John Terry was dragged down in the box, to mark his 157th consecutive Premier league match.

Blackburn players were dropping all over the place, and Riley was being mugged by it every time. He gave them a penalty from a Carvalho challenge, which Craig "No Neck, I'm a Welsh tosser" Bellamy scored. He got his second just before half time when a cock-up at the back between Del Horno and Cech saw him just about slot it in.

After the break, Blackburn did the usual cloggers trick of taking 15 minutes to take every throw in, and at every break in play, 7 of their players would lie down and pretend to need treatment. No problem. When Frank scored the 3rd, they were free to waste as much of their own time as they wanted. Funnily enough, they appeared to be much less injury prone after this.

Frank sent a free kick in which missed everyone and ended up in the bottom corner, for his 100th league goal. This took him to 10 in the Premiership this season, top in the league so far!

Joe Cole finished off the scoring with a deserved deflected effort.

Jimmy up at Boro helped cheer the evening after Totnum and the Arse had drawn earlier, by battering Man Utd into a 4-1 defeat, with the 1 being scored in the last minute of injury time!

Carling Cup Exit

Every cloud has a silver lining, and our exit of the Carling Cup has one, namely, not having to visit that shit hole in Wales ever again! Thankfully, the Carling final will be the last one held in Cardiff (we hope) because the impressive new Wembley Stadium will be finished in time for the FA Cup final.

Chavton arrived with their beach towels, and a 5 minute spell before half time provided all the action. John Terry put us ahead, only for the Addicks to level just before the interval.

A dogged performance saw them take us to pens, and the only blank firer in the shoot-out was Robert Huth. Ordinarily, he should have just stuck it straight at the 'keeper and hit it as hard as he could, which would have ensured the end of the night for him. But alas, his mind was still on his error for their goal, and Chavton go through to the 4th round, incredibly for only the 4th time in their history!

"Curbs" says it was the biggest night in his managerial career, which explains beautifully why he is the only person on the planet that considers himself a future England coach...

Bottom v Top

I was in Spain for this one, so completely missed it. Word came through though that we salvaged a point from the game with a superb Lampard strike in the second half. Lots of talk about hand balls, penalties, replays etc.

Not all bad. Still not beaten, and hopefully now everyone (outside Chelsea) can stop banging on about records.

Chelsea 4-0 Betis

Wednesday night, Betis night. Spanish fans were in good voice, and it offered us the chance to see the much coveted Joaquin.

The first 5 minutes could have seen Betis score 3. Scrappy defending and a lack of communication. Soon the rhythm was set though and 24 minutes in, Drogba found the Shed end net.

On the stroke of half time, their 'keeper, "Toni D" caught the ball on the line, and promptly dropped it right in front of Carvalho to take us into the break 2-0 up.

The second half was more fun, with a stunning curling shot around 3 defenders and inside the near post by Joe Cole. Shaun Wright-Phillips finished off on 64 minutes with a fantastic cross, for Hernan Crespo to hammer it home with his head like no-one else can.

13 goals in 3 games. Muy bueno Chelsea.

Boring Boring Chelsea

Another day at the office. Chelsea 5-1 Bolton. We actually scored 7, but two were ruled out for offside.
The manner of the victory was even more impressive. Bolton scored in the 4th minute, and held onto the 1-0 scoreline until half time. Jose made changes at half time, and Eidur Gudjohnsen came on for Del Horno and completely changed the game. He was easily man of the match.
His link up play between the midfield and the attack is
world class. 4 goals were scored in a 9 minute period, battering Bolton into oblivion.

The weekend cheer was compounded by the news from the Hawthorns that West Brom had come back from 1-0 down against Arsenal to win 2-1.

9 wins from 9 now, and a +20 goal difference - the best in the league by a mile. 9 goals scored in the last 2 league games. Boring Chelsea indeed.

Strike a Tube driver

Again, the most under-worked, overpaid, terrified bunch of Londoners have gone on strike. The Northern Line is shut down, and once again, the gold chain wearing, sovereign ring adorned union leaders have begun to bleat on about 'safety' because they think the public have sympathy for them.

Bullshit you lazy fuckers. 30k a year, 30 hour weeks, 8 weeks annual holiday, free travel. And an extra 6 weeks off a year in strike action because one of your mates got caught boozing on the job, or taking 6 months off sick, but was spotted playing squash and living it up at the same time.

This time, they say they are in danger because the automatic brake system doesn't work properly when you go through a red signal. Well, you know what? DON'T DRIVE THROUGH A FUCKING RED SIGNAL THEN!

Its your job not to do it. It's not even difficult. You can't go the wrong way, you don't need to steer. In fact, all you have to do is keep your eyes open long enough to collect your pay cheque. We know the reality is that you ARE in danger of going through red lights because you're too busy watching DVDs and reading the Sun in your cab to bother about watching what's happening in front of you. So cut the safety bullshit out because we all know you're just out to scrounge as much as you can get out of everyone else who does have to work hard, and who can't just take a day off when they feel like it.

Wankers.

A German Summer it is

England won the qualifying group yesterday, after beating Austria on Saturday and Poland last night.

Typically, the country went into disaster mode after the Austria match, expecting to win 7-0 with all the flair of Brazil. The reality is that it was a very poor game, but last night was much better. Rooney was back and played fantastically, and it was nice to see 4 Chelsea players start, with future Captain John Terry finishing with the armband.

Building sites around the country fell silent yesterday afternoon as 6,000 lazy Polish immigrants swapped tools for cans of Special Brew and headed for Manchester. The country has become overrun by them recently, so it made for a decent atmosphere. Owen put us ahead after some good work by Joey Cole, and the Polaks equalised immediately before half time.

The second half saw the introduction of the beanpole Crouch again, but it was Frank Lampard who saved the day and scored a superb winner with 10 minutes to go.

England won the group by a point in the end, and Poland go through as one of the two highest second place teams in the groups. The game was much better than recent games, possibly because of the lack of pressure having qualified when Holland beat the Czechs on Saturday evening. It may not be the best attacking football around, but it is actually the kind of football that would win a major tournament - with a bit more effort.

You'd be hard pushed to find a better international squad in the world at the moment, and I would have a good bet on us winning the World Cup with someone like Jose Mourinho in charge, so why don't we think we can win it with Sven? Perhaps we can, but he just seems so slow to react to changes in the game, and inevitably, the changes he makes are too late, and the wrong options. This could be the downfall next Summer.

Sour Scouse 1 - 4 Chelsea

Rafael BeneathUs has been whining and moaning all week about how Chelsea are scared of Liverpool, how he "has the measure of us" (nil nil draws? desperate defending?) and how great his team are. Its a lot of gobbing off by someone who it could be said could have spent his time better getting his squad full of Alice band wearing pikeys to come up with some sort of plan other than sticking 10 men on the edge of the box, and then lumping the ball down to the 14 foot lanky streak of piss up front.

Well, the time for talking came yesterday and "The fortress Anfield" where the majority of the fans did walk alone yesterday, all the way back to their squats to watch their dismal performance on highlights on stolen satellite dishes.

As it was, we battered them 4-1. More goals conceded at home in a game than anytime in the last 36 years. BeneathUs says that's no problem at all and it doesn't even concern him. Perhaps not mate, but you can bet it will concern the supporting Scallies and your boss!

Steven Gerrard said after the game he wasn't "about to concede the title already". Truth is, they were never in the race anyway! Who said they were? They finished closer to the bottom of the Premiership last season than the top so where did the idea that they might win it come from? Stolen too I suppose.

'Raffa' and 'Stevie' also said they didn't think it was a 4-1 game. What would have been a 4-1 game then Stevie? 6-2? 7-4? 0-0? Genius.

On our side, Drogba was superb. Man of the match, making 3 of the 4 goals. You see, Didier, you big poof, you can do it without throwing yourself about like a pansy, so do it next week, and the week after, and every week from now on and we'll all be chuffed eh?

Special mention to 'Chavvy' Alonso, Harry Kewell, Luis Garcia - you all look like girls!